I'm Not Even Here

We went searching, looking
For a speaking apartment
One that would tell us our love will last
Call us friends, accept our lovemaking
In every room, laugh with our inside jokes
Shade out the calling Jehovah's Witnesses,
Their non-judgmental looks of pity
When we say we're not married.

We stepped into Pinecreek Village
White walls, new marble tile
Close to the freeways, college across
Every store in walking distance.
We'd never have to leave
Every desire peanut butter.
It's perfect for your skin. Safe

Place to raise kids.
They'll rise along with ignorance
Be afraid of the ghetto, never have to eat Spam
Measure themselves with possessions
Think to want is to not get
Hollywood Barbie for Christmas
Never be ashamed to bring friends home
Not even know their sheets match.

My flip-flopped heart still wears sandals
Even as my feet are pinched into dress boots.
My breasts still sag in this push-up bra.
I pretend to like Beyonce, but
I come with Joni Mitchell.
You say we don't have to stay here forever
Well, darling, I'm not even here.

by E. M. Soos